The 7 crappiest games of this generation
As we approach the middle era of seventh generation consoles, we list the most miserable games released so far. Dodge these stinkers at all costs. Don't let the following countdown numbers confuse you: these games are all trash.
7. Mobile Suit Gundam: Crossfire (PS3) We're not sure how many developers Namco Bandai assigned to this PS3 launch title (three, maybe four?). Whatever the case, there's absolutely nothing that can atone for the clunky controls, drab visuals, 10 frames per second animation, and dated audio of this sloppy mech simulator. In the end, the sad truth is that even the most hardcore robot battle junkie will feel ripped off by this mess. For shame.
5. Bomberman: Act Zero (Xbox 360) If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Bomberman — the long-time, addictive party game franchise — is far from broken. Despite this, in 2006 Hudson thought that updating Bomberman with a realistic feel would be a smart move. It wasn't. The result was a slow, clumsy, and poorly camera'd version of Bomberman, more akin to 1987's Running Man than an entertaining game. Simply put, there's no reason this idea should have made it off the ground. What's more, its retail price of $US50 made it a crime against your wallet, as well as humanity. Avoid it at all costs!
4. Jumper: Griffin's Story (Wii, Xbox 360) It's hard enough to turn a successful movie into a successful video game, let alone a mediocre one like Jumper. Nevertheless, Brash Entertainment played the cash-in odds, only to deliver the second worst movie-to-game adaptation of all time, Jumper: Griffin's Story. This beat 'em up is as lame as they come. It wreaks of the lowest of low production values and features generic everything: gameplay, graphics, combat — you name it. It's laughable to even call this a game; bottom-of-the-barrel shovelware' is a more apt description.
2. Anubis II (Wii) Believe it or not, the developer behind Ninjabread Man released a carbon-copy port of number two on our list a day later. It's called Anubis II, even though there was never an Anubis 1, and it was more PS2 shovelware for Wii. It shares the same miserable game engine as Ninjabread Man, and in doing so, shares the same glitchy gameplay and insipid design. The only thing that makes Anubis II worse than Ninjabread Man is that it exposes players to three hours and 9 levels of excruciatingly painful gameplay, as opposed to the 30 minutes and three levels of Ninjabread Man. Regardless, both games are a disgrace.
3. Ninjabread Man (Wii) Nevermind that Ninjabread Man was intended for kids. Nevermind that it was only $US30 upon release — it's still complete excrement. After 30 minutes and three levels of the most mindless platforming ever conceived by man, players are rewarded with a drab "level complete" screen before being thrust back to the main menu. There's no story, no reason, and no ending. It's just an undercooked port of an already terrible PS2 game. Amazingly, a sequel has been announced; Ninjabread Man: Blades of Fury. Is there no justice in this world?
1. Balls of Fury (Wii Topping our list of the crappiest games this generation (so far) is Balls of Fury, a senseless and uncontrollable Wii game that exudes revulsion. It, like number four on our list, is licensed movie trash. You might think it would be difficult to botch ping pong controls on Wii, given the system's intuitive reliance on motion. But developer Black Lantern managed to do just that, with controls more broken than Windows Vista compatibility. For that reason, Balls of Fury finds itself number one our list: the most obscenely annoying, frustrating, and downright retarded game of a generation. And you thought E.T. on the Atari 2600 was bad.
6. Cruis'n (Wii) Who spilled a mid-Nineties arcade game on my Wii? Oh, that would be Midway, taking the word "skimp" to a whole new level. Upon seeing the 2007 release of Cruis'n for the first time, you might think you're watching a late N64 arcade port... only you're not. You're looking at a Wii game. From the offensive physics to the antiquated digitised characters, this racing game is inexcusable garbage, even at its bargain price. I want my [[xref:http://arstechnica.com/journals/thumbs.ars/2007/09/24/gamecube-1-5-the-numbers-behind-the-wiis-technology|GameCube 1.5]] back, please.