Five reasons 'virtual marriage' won't happen

Gartner analyst Adam Sarner insists that he's serious when he predicts that binding "virtual marriages" will be a reality by 2015. He is insane.

Gartner analyst Adam Sarner insists that he's serious when he predicts that binding "virtual marriages" will be a reality by 2015. He says such couples -- including those who have never met in person -- will enjoy the same property rights and legal responsibilities as the rest of us bound by matrimonial bliss.

In other words, Adam Sarner is insane. Here are five reasons why.

Virtual couples are going to have to get in line. Homosexuals cannot marry legally in 98% of these United States, so it would seem a stretch to envision avatars tying the knot a mere eight years down the road. Moreover, who's going to tell Pat Robertson?

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. There is the classic New Yorker-cartoon sense, of course, but that's just the starting point. Who's to say virtual couples would be any more honest with their intendeds than virtual individuals are with one another today? And -- dare I ask -- once we start down this slippery slope, what's to prevent virtual marriages between virtual machines? To say nothing of virtual polygamy between botnets.

Let's think of the children. There won't be any, of course, at least not through conventional means. While this may be fine for some couples, it cannot bode well for the survival of the species. And I'm hearing Rev. Robertson again.

Anytime, anywhere connectivity. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, carrying your spouse around on a smartphone 24x7 is apt to take a toll on the tickers of virtual couples. Oh, sure, we're already at our dearest one's beck and call today, but the expectation of a real-life encounter at day's end keeps the beckoning and calling manageable. Virtual couples would be pitching their Blackberries before they've even written all their thank-you notes.

Finally, misery loves company. Even Gartner's Sarner acknowledges that his prediction cannot come to fruition without rewriting laws ... and that can't happen without a dramatic change in public attitudes. Those who are miserable in their own real-life marriages -- and let's face it, that's a good half or better of the populace -- will be loath to let virtual couples get away with a marital-discord dodge as simple as unplugging the computer. Oh, no, there will be no tossing of virtual china in this country; you want to be married, stand in there and take your medicine.

Join the newsletter!

Or

Sign up to gain exclusive access to email subscriptions, event invitations, competitions, giveaways, and much more.

Membership is free, and your security and privacy remain protected. View our privacy policy before signing up.

Error: Please check your email address.
Keep up with the latest tech news, reviews and previews by subscribing to the Good Gear Guide newsletter.

Paul McNamara

Network World
Show Comments

Cool Tech

Bang and Olufsen Beosound Stage - Dolby Atmos Soundbar

Learn more >

Toys for Boys

Sony WF-1000XM3 Wireless Noise Cancelling Headphones

Learn more >

Nakamichi Delta 100 3-Way Hi Fi Speaker System

Learn more >

ASUS ROG, ACRONYM partner for Special Edition Zephyrus G14

Learn more >

Family Friendly

Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit for Nintendo Switch

Learn more >

Philips Sonicare Diamond Clean 9000 Toothbrush

Learn more >

Stocking Stuffer

SunnyBunny Snowflakes 20 LED Solar Powered Fairy String

Learn more >

Teac 7 inch Swivel Screen Portable DVD Player

Learn more >

Christmas Gift Guide

Click for more ›

Most Popular Reviews

Latest Articles

Resources

PCW Evaluation Team

Tom Pope

Dynabook Portégé X30L-G

Ultimately this laptop has achieved everything I would hope for in a laptop for work, while fitting that into a form factor and weight that is remarkable.

Tom Sellers

MSI P65

This smart laptop was enjoyable to use and great to work on – creating content was super simple.

Lolita Wang

MSI GT76

It really doesn’t get more “gaming laptop” than this.

Jack Jeffries

MSI GS75

As the Maserati or BMW of laptops, it would fit perfectly in the hands of a professional needing firepower under the hood, sophistication and class on the surface, and gaming prowess (sports mode if you will) in between.

Taylor Carr

MSI PS63

The MSI PS63 is an amazing laptop and I would definitely consider buying one in the future.

Christopher Low

Brother RJ-4230B

This small mobile printer is exactly what I need for invoicing and other jobs such as sending fellow tradesman details or step-by-step instructions that I can easily print off from my phone or the Web.

Featured Content

Don’t have an account? Sign up here

Don't have an account? Sign up now

Forgot password?