In Pictures: CEOs Microsoft missed

In Satya Nadella, Microsoft played it sensible. Here are the Ballmer successors we tech wags wanted to make our Redmond-flogging jobs a little easier

3. Bill “The King” Gates Not just the king of tech billionaire-dom, Gates is also secretly king of a tropical island he purchased that’s populated by pygmy Oompa Loompas he had genetically engineered in a Ukrainian lab converted from the corporate offices of a genocidal think tank. Clearly Gates was pushed out of the board because he threw his hat in the ring for CEO, he terrifies everyone in the boardroom as being too sensible, and he owns the mortgages on all their homes. (In fact, he secretly owns the mortgages on all our homes.) He wanted the gig not just because he doesn’t like where his baby’s been going but also because his years as a philanthropist have convinced him that a few more billion would make him feel...

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