Solid Snake -- Metal Gear Solid series
With his badass gravely voice and heroic action-man persona, Solid Snake has all the hallmarks of a sexy leading man. Or at least, he would if it wasn't for that tragic '80s mullet. Talk about sexy-in-the-front, putrid-in-the-back.
In 2008, Snake compounded his crimes against sexy by ageing thirty years and donning a Geography teacher mustache (pictured). To add insult to injury, he also had a bum ticker, which probably ruled out sexy-time altogether.