Madonna: True.com Membership
The newly divorced Material Girl is having a hard time finding a man who can make her happy
. Warren Beatty couldn't do it; neither could Vanilla Ice or Dennis Rodman. Her two husbands--Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie--couldn't keep up with her either. What's missing in Madge's relationships?
We don't know, because Madonna doesn't keep in touch anymore. So we suggest getting her a subscription to the True.com dating site
. "Meet the one who's right for you--right now," says the site, which comfortingly assures you that it screens prospective members for felony convictions. One word of advice: Pay for it with a one-time-use credit card, as one of our past investigations found that the site doesn't like letting go of its subscribers, even after they've found true love.