Breaking Up With Xbox 360

If the Xbox 360 was your girlfriend, she’d be an unstable, high-maintenance gold-digger.

Now I ain't seeing she's a gold digger...

Now I ain't seeing she's a gold digger...

If the Xbox 360 was your girlfriend, she’d be an unstable, high-maintenance gold-digger. An anonymous games journalist runs with this analogy and kicks his 'ex'-box to the curb…

Breaking Up With Xbox

Sit down, we need to talk.

It’s no secret that things haven’t been perfect between us. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy spending time with you and we've had some really fun times together. Hell, I remember the night we met like it was only yesterday. You were so cool and glamorous — like no other console I’d ever met. I dumped PlayStation 2 for you on the spot. She was pissed, but I didn't care: it was love at first sight.

For a while, everything was perfect. The online gaming, the awesome graphics, the constant stream of kickass games: it was like a dream come true. But then you started to change.

I guess my feelings changed towards you on our third Xbox Live Gold anniversary. Once again, you expected me to renew our relationship with cold, hard cash. It was the same story on our first wireless date together — $100+ for a WiFi adaptor? I felt so used! Then you tried to charge me to look at free social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. That was the final straw.

All I wanted to do was spend time with you, and you kept treating me like your own personal money tree. Where was the love? Where was the respect? Y'know, they have a name for consoles like you — Kanye West wrote a song about it.

And it's not just about the money. You’re also the most high-maintenance console I've ever met. If I don’t treat you like a piece of porcelain glass, you start to give me the ‘silent treatment’ (AKA Red Ring of Death). I want a console I can be rough with for a change; a console that doesn’t mind getting a little dirty.

Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come right out with it. I've fallen for somebody else. I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but you deserve to know the truth. It's not something I planned, it just kind of happened. No, it's not Nintendo Wii. If it were, this would be a whole lot easier.

I’ve - I've been seeing PS3 Slim behind your back. It's been going on for around a month now. When I said I was too tired to go online that night, I was secretly using the PlayStation Network. And when I said I was watching TV… I was really watching Blu-ray.

I know I said I’d never go back to her, but she’s like a completely different console. When she lost all that weight, I couldn’t help myself — I just had to get my hands on her. Free online gaming, inbuilt WiFi, Blu-ray movies and reliable hardware... how was I supposed to refuse? Besides, I want a console I can grow old with. How many years do you think you have left in you? Two? Well, it’s been fun Xbox 360. I really mean that. Hopefully you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me. Until then; au revoir.

We’ll always have Gears of War.

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GamePro staff

Good Gear Guide

27 Comments

Anonymous

1

HAHAHAAHAH

that was funny

Anonymous

2

that was pretty damn funny.

Anonymous

3

LMAO

Classic!!!

Anonymous

4

HAHAHA it's funny because its true

Anonymous

5

LOL

I promised myself I wouldn't laugh at this because I figured it wouldn't be humorous, but I found myself cracking up out loud.

Anonymous

6

so true! great relationships last a long time. headache ones are over quickly. incresibly funny writing!

Anonymous

7

Awesome...Just awesome.

Anonymous

8

welll

I've spent just as much money on repairs on my ps3. Go figure.

All consoles(besides nintendo) have been high maintenance. Guess that's what we get for wanting them to be PCs.

Anonymous

9

Me too

I also recently dumped my 360 for a PS3, but I didn't apologise to the bitch, coz she made me cringe every time she opened her mouth and her constant nagging to buy things left me dead inside. Be strong, playa, be strong.

Anonymous

10

wow.

you must be part of that .01%
Im sorry.

Anonymous

11

I dumped mine too

Except I do go back sometimes for old time sake, but it's for one or two games a year.

Anonymous

12

Its so sad.

People might say the xbox may have a better online functionality but look at the PS3 BLU RAY(FUTURE OF GAMING),Best free online functionality and hey you get a web browser. The PS3 has built in WiFi which Microsoft still rips off people. I think you get what your money is worth with a PS3. With micorsoft a 120GB HD costs $150. Hey I am just trying to get people to see the light. Use your brain and look at the Pros and Cons. Sure project Natal is coming up, but there are gonna get a hell of a time developing games for that. Because of the xbox some games have to be lowered so it can be ran by the box. A rate of 54% XBOX to a 11% failure should get you think on where you are gonna send those hard to come money. Note...I am not a PS3 owner but this article speaks the truth.Sure the XBOX has more exclusives but since the PS3 is selling like crazy you should expect more in the future.

Anonymous

13

One More Thing.

I have to say one more thing to you people, when a XBOX 360 owner stands up for his console no says nothing as soon as some one Boycotts a XB they are fan boys WTF!? Oh yeah the only reason the xbox sells better because stupid people who had their XB broken go and get another, this process continues with all of humanity is doomed to fail in the future.

Anonymous

14

Yep

50$ a year vs. 0$ a year to game online was my deciding point. Thats an extra game my ps3 gets that xbox doesn`t. This is my opinion if MS didnt buy up previous ps2 exclusives and DLC they wouldnt have a fanbase left. MLG should dump xbox3fixme too.

Anonymous

15

hey

I admit that there is a portion of X360's userbase who has had an experience like that... literally a heart-wrenching break-up. But we should not speak of it as though it is the universal experience.

Also when it comes to multiplatform games the X360 is the GOTO console. because everyone else we know is on Xbox Live, playing on the same console.

With the X360, you can guarantee a great online experience. Guarantee is a very nice thing. Being a PS3 owner myself (my only console), my PS3 Could never guarantee the same.

Anonymous

16

written via ps3 browser

awesome. rrod = next gen std

Anonymous

17

I'm with ya

I'm going through the exact same thing. Trying to sell my 360 on CL for a decent price, then getting a 250GB PS3 slim the minute they come out. Already got 4 PS3 games and a 2nd controller and blu-ray remote in advance. (My engagement ring) LOL

I just hope Modern Warfare 2 online play is smooth.

Chris Jager

Staff

18

"I do go back sometimes for old time sake"

Me too. It's called a booty call.

Anonymous

19

nice. shes a bitch, that xbox

Anonymous

20

Nice :)

So true. So right. PS3, you are our future.

Anonymous

21

Agreed

I feel the same as you, the 360 is a great console but I also have a PS3 now and the fact that I don't have to pay a ton of money for EVERYTHING is great. No more yearly service fee just to play, a console that lets me customize its interface without paying for themes, True HD movies that I actually own on a disc, and a system that I don't have to worry about breaking on me just because I play it form 5 hours one day. Its really quite liberating.

Anonymous

22

What?!

Ok... You own a PS3(only)... Aaaand you feel sooo strongly that an Xbox 360 is vastly superior online? Why don't you trade your PS3 in and grab a 360? As far as online... I have a PS3 and havn't had a problem. The worst thing to happen was trying to play UT3 online when there wasn't anyone else playing... Please, don't comment an any more articles unless your going to make sense... Yeesh...

Anonymous

23

That's excellent writing right there!

Keep up the great work....I'm strongly in love with my PS3, although I have no hate for the Xbox 360, I'm not one to cheat on my lover. ; )

Anonymous

24

the ps3 is a supermodel

you see the ps3 is like having a supermodel as a wife, who does everything like the box says, and absolutely low maintenance

Anonymous

25

pretty much how i felt last year

when i finally got myself a ps3, i couldn't believe it. i had been wasting my time with this woman for 2 years, missing out on the hottest thing this side of the sun. over the first few months of going out with my ps3 i quickly became obsessed with it, hardly spending any time with my beloved 360. then, about 4 months into my new found relationship, i found myself saying goodbye to my 360 for good. we had a good time, lots of laughs, lots of childish fits of anger when i couldnt beat that stupid boss. but hey, things change, you know? ps3 is my thing now, and im not looking back. so, i arranged with this guy i met on craigslist to come take you to his house to chill. i even threw in bioshock for free, cause i know how much fun we had playing that game together, i thought maybe it would help you with the transition. look at it this way, now when you break down again (now that your 3 year insurance coverage has been dropped) some other kid will have to pay for your hospital bill, cause now that i just put down $400 on this shiny new wedding ring for my gal, theres no way i can afford to get you a liver transplant. hey, not my fault your a noisy drunk.

Anonymous

26

Dear lord.

Owning both 360 and PS3, and loving them both to death; all I can say is this article is full of snot-nosed QQing fanboys.

Suffice to say, I think I got the best deal. 2 great consoles, and no need to fling my own feces around like so many of you people do these days.

Anonymous

27

If gaming devices were girlfriends I would be the luckiest guy in the world....

My PS3 is on top of my Xbox, which is on top of my PC, and I am playing with all three at once!

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